Mother's Day

Mother's Day was Sunday.  And I haven't celebrated it for the past 3 years.  Because I no longer have a mother.  I have what I refer to as an "egg donor".  And honestly, I thought that I would miss talking to her, but there hasn't been one day that has gone by in the past 2 years that I've thought "Wow...I wish I could talk to my mom".  Nope.  Not once. 

I stopped talking to the egg donor in April of 2008.  Because she proved that she is an evil person incaple of love for her own children.  You see, my sister went through a divorce a few years ago and the egg donor, instead of supporting her own daughter, decided to oust my sister and defend her ex-husband.  Then she had the balls to serve my sister with court papers saying that she was an unfit mother and therefore SHE (the egg donor)  deserved custody of my niece and nephew!!!  This was, of course, after she unsuccessfully tried to convince my ex-brother-in-law to fight for custody of the kids and then just "give them" to her because she knew that HE couldn't take care of them, since he now lives with his parents and sleeps on a couch.

So, my sis went to court.  And of course, she won.  Because the truth is she's NOT an unfit mother.  Her children are well taken care of and are not in need of anything.  They have food, clothing, shelter, love, etc.  My sister is an incredible mother. 

But it didn't stop there.  Oh no.  Then the bitch decided to slap another suit on my sister.  This time for "grandparent's visitation rights".  So, this time I went to testify on my sister's behalf.  And of course, we won.  Again.  The truth is, the kids don't even WANT to see their grandmother anymore.  They used to see them when their father had them every other weekend, but the egg donor would spend the entire visit talking shit about my sister and pressing the kids for details about what my sister doing.  She even asked the kids to lie to their own mother!!!! 

But oh no.  That wasn't enough.  No, this bitch is relentless.  2 years later, my sister is going BACK to court for the 3rd time because this bitch has APPEALLED the judge's decision NOT to grant her any visitation, because she stated it was "not in the best interest of the children". 

Meanwhile, my sister has missed  countless days of work, going to court, meeting with her attorney,  spent thousands of dollars on attorney''s fees (that she does not have) when she could have been spending time with her kids and spending money on their Christmas gifts.  For the past 2 years I have paid for most of the kids' Christmas gifts because honestly, my sister just doesn't have the money.  She is a single mom, for crying out loud!  And...because she has to keep going back to court, the attorney's fees have really added up.  And the attorney wants a huge chunk of cash before the next court date (next month), so I am ponying up some of my hard earned cash just to make sure that my sister is properly represented in court.

This bitch has cost us both of us (and the kids) countless dollars and heartache.  So, no, I don't have a mother.  And I dont' celebrate Mother's Day.  She can rot in hell.

Goodbye and Good Riddance

My boss put her notice in last week.  And I couldn't be happier.  In fact, I've been doing a private "happy dance" since I got the news.  She is the most unprofessional person I have ever met and I am still trying to figure out how she landed THIS job, let alone another one.  There has been talk around the office that she was forced out, and I tend to believe this.

Here are some things about her that I am NOT going to miss (and yes, I DO like lists, so get used to it):

*  The constant whining....seriously, it's so annoying....she calls out to our administrative assistant all day long "Beckyyyyyy..... can you do this for me?"  "Beckyyyyy.....what's so and so's pager number", etc....   I am quite sure that Becky has been doing her own happy dance for the past week and will be screaming "Thank you Jesus!" next Friday!!!!
*  Her lack of table manners. She once picked up a chicken breast in the middle of an inservice from an organization that came to present to us, and began gnawing on it like an animal.
* Her lack of respect for others.  During another inservice, she completely cut off the speakers to have her own side conversation with someone across the table.  The presenters were embarrassed and appalled.
* The attention-getting/looking for a pity party.  She had surgery recently on her knee.  Before the surgery she whined and complained all day long about how bad her knee hurt and made it a point to use a cane to walk through the office and say "Ouch" with each step.  After the surgery, and her 6 week medical leave (which was a blessing, btw) she continued to use the cane, and say "Ouch" and tell us all about how much pain she was still in.
* The "I'm getting my PhD" speech every day and how we will have to call her "Dr. Deb".  Yea, ok.  She's a nurse, and got her MSN from Phoenix University (an "onlline" college) last year, and is now supposedly getting her PhD in nursing from Phoenix University.  Um...yea, I don't take much stock in "online" schools.  Obviously she couldn't get into a REAL graduate program because they would have realized, after meeting her, that she does not have the professional look/attitude to be worthy of a graduate degree.  It's sad that anyone can get a degree "online" these days.
* The fact that, although she must make a lot of money in her position, she still hasn't spent the money to do anything about her "crazy" eye, her disgusting teeth, or her red mullet-styled hair.  Like I said, I don't know how she ever got hired, looking like that....
Kind of makes me wish I had a picture....must remember to go search my ass-kissing coworker's facebook page for the pics she took today for the boss's going-away party.

Which reminds me....I also won't miss the fact that ass-kissing coworker has her nose buried so far up the boss's ass that she gets away with doing absolutely no work because, as she said to me one day (during a week-long birthday party she threw for the boss) when I asked if I was the only one that had work to do "Oh, I have plenty of work to do.  I just know where my priorities lie".  Priceless.

Good bye, bitch.  And take the lazy ass-kisser with you, please.

Thank you Captain Obvious

This weekend my BFF put extension braids in my hair.   I've had 'em twice before and paid $400-$500 for the privilege.  My BFF does her own dreads and has put dreads in other girls, so I knew she could do my braids for me, even though she'd never done 'em before.  She's very talented and I trust her completely.  We bought the hair a few weeks ago, and finally got around to putting them in this past weekend.  It was a LONG process!  Being that she'd never done them before there was a bit of a learning curve.  Apparently getting the extension hair to stay close to the scalp before you start braiding is the hardest part.  And it took her some time to master, but she did (as I knew she would).  Luckily, we were at my house and there was lots of wine involved (on MY part, not so much on hers - I didn't want *crooked* braids! LOL) so the time went by fast.  She braided for the better part of 14 hours on Saturday, then on Sunday she sealed and trimmed for another 4 hours or so.

The end result is amazing!  And I LOVE it! She totally rocks!

But here's the thing...I went to work today totally expecting people to be shocked, etc. (because I have worked there for over 2 years and have had short hair the entire time). What I didn't expect was the stupidity.  I expect people to go "OMG!  Wow!  That looks awesome!", etc.  But there were quite a few people who really seemed puzzled and confused.  I can't tell you the number of times I was asked the following:

"Wow...how did you hair grow so long so fast?
"Did you change your hair style?"
"Is that your real hair?
"You changed your hair, didn't you?"
"So, did you just change your color or your style?"
and countless other stupidly obvious questions.  Yes, my hair is 12" longer than it was when you last saw me on Friday.  Of course I changed my hair style.  Of course my hair didn't grow a foot over night. Of course it's not my real hair"....really?  Are people THAT stupid?  Because if so, I am frightened!!!  Really...considering these are medical professionals asking me these questions!

SCARY!!!

Confidentiality

So...every year my company does this stupid Q12 employee satisfaction survey.  Apparently to find out if we are happy working where we work and if not, why.  It's 12 questions that you have to answer on a scale of 1-5, 1 being Completely Disagree to 5 being Completely Agree or some shit like that.  It's ridiculous.  It has lame questions like "I have a best friend at work"  WTF?  Or "In the last 7 days someone has praised my work", or "My team is committed to doing excellent work", etc.  For the last 2 years I have lied and given all 5's, just to get the damn thing over with.  But this year, I decided to be honest for a change.  Because, to be honest, my company is NOT the best company to work for, and many of my coworkers are lazy asses and suck at their  "job".

So, we are all corralled into this computer training room, by department, where there are 10 computers lined up, 2 rows, 5 in each row, and a representative from HR (who, as my coworker says, has the personality of a tuna fish) passing out letters to each employee with an "access code" to get into the survey on the survey.  In addition to the access code, there is a very long letter included that goes on and on about how our responses to the 12 questions are completely confidential and that no one will ever know what our answers are, blah blah blah...

I take issue with this for many reasons:

1)  If it's "confidential" why the hell are you giving me an assigned access code?  Clearly, SOMEBODY can link my name/access code to my answers, right?  Who?  And why?

2)  The person sitting on either side of me at the computer can dart their eyes over to my computer screen at any given time and see my answers.

3)  The Tuna Fish queen (AKA HR rep) is walking around, hovering behind people, clearly looking at people's answers.

And then there's my boss, who asks me, outright, how many 5's I gave.  WTF?  Is nothing sacred anymore?

I know that when she gets the results and sees that we did not score 100% she is going to question all of us.  So, what the hell is the point of having a "confidential" survey if you can't be honest in your responses for fear of repercussion?  Unbelievable.  I don't like confrontation, so I will play dumb when she tells us we scored low.  What's the alternative?  Lose my job?  I don't think so.

I am an evil bitch...

and proud of it.  I think it's hilariously funny to fuck with people who talk shit about you.  For instance, witchy woman (new GF of ex-BF) is pissed off because I post on her BF's family members (who I am still friends with, mind you) Facebook pages.  So...because I KNOW it pisses her off, I do it A LOT, just to fuck with her!  LOL  It makes me giggle satanically knowing that she's reading my posts and getting herself all in a tizzy!  What can I say?  Turnabout is fair play, right? 

I believe that if you're stupid enough not to realize that just changing your username won't prevent people from finding your posts, then you DESERVE to be fucked with.  Just sayin...

Back to your regularly scheduled blogging...

No followers?

So, I have no followers yet, huh?  :-(  Guess I'll just continue to talk to myself.  I do it a lot anyway!  LOL  I'm still trying to figure out how to find other blogs with similar interests, but I haven't been successful yet.  I just keep hitting "next blog" and I end up with blogs from families or wedding photographer?  WTF?  Must investigate this further...

Oh, what a tangled web we weave...

So it seems as if the new girlfriend of an ex-boyfriend has been talking shit about me on the internet.  Now mind you, this is someone who’s never met me and knows nothing about me, other than what she’s seen on my Facebook page.  I have not dated said ex in over 14 years, but I still maintain friendships with his family members, because, well, for a while, they were like my own family.  That being said, I broke up with the lying cheating ass and have never once regretted it. I am now happily married to my best friend (who I have been with for almost 14 years) and have moved on with my life.  As a courtesy, I requested her friendship on Facebook a few months ago and she accepted.  Which I thought was interesting since the ex and I were friends on Myspace and were talking in a civilized manner before she entered the picture.  All of a sudden he un-friended me without warning, so I  kind of figured she had a bit of a jealous streak. 

Well, the other day I received a message from her on Facebook that simply stated “Consider yourself dismissed”, which I thought was comical, since I haven’t been in high school for 24 years and didn’t hear a bell ring (see earlier blog post).  I laughed it off, but then discovered that the self-proclaimed witch (her words, not mine) had been spouting off about me all over the internet, calling me a psycho ex stalker?  WTF?  Um, ok. 

The funniest thing is that she claims that she only accepted my friend request because she wanted me to see “what I was missing” by not being with her man.  So, I decided to make a list of what she has and what I have, then to compare the 2, so that I can properly wallow in self-pity:

• She lives in a trailer in the middle of nowhere in Alabama, away from all of her family and friends.  Her boyfriend’s family lives nearby, but she doesn’t get along with them because they are Christian and she is Pagan.
• Her man is a guitarist in a band that travels the country all year round.  She sleeps alone most nights and doesn’t get to go to any of the shows.
• She has 2 kids, a daughter from a previous marriage to a deadbeat dad, and a new baby with the new boyfriend.  She changes shitty diapers all day long.  
• She claims to be “engaged” to the boyfriend, but has no ring or wedding date set.
• She is eager to become Wife #3 (yes, he's been married TWICE before and has a child with his ex-wife).
• She has no job.
• She has no education.
• She’s with a known cheater and liar who is surrounded by beautiful women every night.
• She is insanely jealous of all of the women surrounding her man and has admitted so in her blog.
• She still has her baby-fat body.

Yea, I’m REALLY missing out, because:

• I live in a big beautiful condo (that I OWN) in Chicago
• I am married to my best friend and get along famously with his family.
• My husband works a REAL job during the day and plays guitar in 2 bands on the weekend.  I get to go to every single show.
• We are childfree by choice and enjoy traveling and spending time with each other.
• I am the #1 and ONLY wife my husband has ever had.  I sport a pretty nice size diamond on my left hand.
• My jewelry box is filled with diamonds and Tiffany and Tous jewelry.
• I work as a social worker and actually make a pretty good living at it.
• I have a  Master’s Degree..
• My husband has never once, in the 14 years we have been together, cheated on me.
• The only women surrounding my man are all of our mutual friends at his band’s shows.
• I’ve never had a baby and still have a pretty rockin’ body for my age!

Don't you all just feel so sorry for me now?  LOL

Bathroom Etiquette 101

Bathroom Etiquette 101

Why are people so ignorant when it comes to public restroom etiquette? I mean, I don't give a rat's ass what you do in your own shitter, but when you're sharing that space with countless other people, please have some common courtesy!

1. Toilet seat protectors. If they are available, please use one. Note, I said ONE! Not a stack of 'em 3" thick that you then cannot flush so you decide to fold the urine-soaked paper and try to shove it half-assed into the feminine hygiene disposal unit in the stall. Yea, 'cuz we all wanna smell your piss all day long!

2. Speaking of feminine hygiene products - ladies, PLEASE wrap your bloody pads and/or tampons in toilet paper before disposing of them - ideally in the feminine hygiene disposal unit if it's not filled with urine-soaked toilet seat protectors. Do not leave them on the back of the toilet seat if there is no such feminine hygiene disposal unit because you are too embarrassed to walk out of the stall and throw that nasty shit in the garbage. We're all big girls. We all have our little "time of the month". Trust me, no one is going to laugh at you or talk about you behind your back just because you walked out of the stall clutching your used product nicely wrapped in toilet paper. However, if I walk into the stall AFTER you and I see that you've not disposed of your nasties properly, rest assured, I WILL talk shit about you.

3. The Courtesy Flush. Use it, people!!! For crying out loud, isn't it bad enough that I'm subjected to smelling your piss - do I REALLY need to smell your shit, too? C'mon! If you are alone in the bathroom doing Number 2 and someone else walks into that wall of shit smell, do us all a favor and reach back, pull that handle and give it a good flush! And if once is not enough, we won't fault you for flushing repeatedly. Really. Hell, you can even flush to cover up your farting noises if ya want. Promise we won't laugh. Ok, maybe I lied about that one.

4. Hand Washing. First of all, if you work in a hospital, as I do, you should be well-versed on proper handwashing techniques. They are called "Standard Precautions" for a reason. It's a STANDARD. That being said, if the faucet is one of those old fashioned ones that you need to manually turn on and off, please, for the love of all things holy, do not just reach over and turn off the water before you dry your hands. Do you not realize that you've just re-infected your own hands with the same fecal matter that you just spent 15 seconds singing "Happy Birthday" trying to get rid of!!! Please, leave the water running - it's ok, you're not paying the bill - reach over and grab a paper towel, or 2 or 3, I don't care - and THEN use the paper towel to turn off the water. It's really very simple. I promise.

5. Primping. Yes, I know, we all do it. We fix our makeup and brush our hair. But, please, have the common courtesy to a) move the fuck out of the way if someone wants to wash their hands and b) Use a towel and wipe the counter or sink so that we don't have to wash our hands surrounded by your hair - EWWW!!!!

6. Last but not least - squatters. You people are the biggest germaphobes because you won't sit on the toilet seat for fear of catching *something* but yet you have no qualms about leaving your germy piss all over the seat for some poor unsuspecting soul who happens to sit on the seat without realizing that you've tainted it! You are causing the very thing you are trying to avoid. That doesn't make any sense. Why is it ok for YOUR ass to stay germ-free, but not anyone else's? I promise you that it only takes a few seconds to put a toilet seat protector - or even toilet paper if said seat protector is not available - on the seat before you piss. And if you really must be a rude bitch, at least have the courtesy to wipe your own piss off the seat when you're done, because believe me, the last thing I want to do is clean up YOUR piss. It's bad enough that I have to smell it... 

Randomness

Ok, now that I got that out of the way...onto bigger and better things. I suppose I should be doing something productive with my day, since I've got the house to myself, but I think I'll have a glass of wine instead.

Ah...that's better. :-)

So, here are some random facts about me:

* I love punk rock music (hence the name of my blog)

* I haven't talked to my *egg donor* (aka my mother) in over 2 years - long story

* I have, however, reconnected with my father recently, and discovered that I am so much more like him than her (which is a good thing)

* I am married to my best friend

* I love jewelry. And shoes.

* I'm very colorful (i.e. on my skin and in my words)

* I work a very professional job, so finding outlets to express my creativity is paramount to my sanity

* I love red wine. Cabernet and Pinot Noir, mostly. I will only drink Merlot if it's the only red wine around

* I'm also a beer snob. I can't drink swill like Budweiser, Miller Lite, etc. It has no flavor. Like beer-flavored water. Blech!

* I'm intimidating. Or so I've been told.

* I'm also a bitch. And proud of it. :-)

* I believe being a bitch is the key to getting everything you want. I practice this on a regular basis. It seems to be working so far.

* People either really love me, or really hate me. Those that love me are in for a treat. Those that hate me, well, I really don't give a fuck.

* Oh yea, FUCK is my favorite word. I use it a lot. Not so good for those *professional* moments, but perfectly acceptable otherwise.

* I had my uterus surgically removed a year ago and it was one of the best things I ever did for myself! I had uterine fibroids, endometriosis, adenomyosis, and pelvic congestion syndrome, which = chronic pain. Being uterus-free and pain-free has been a god-send!

* My BFF and I (who also had her uterus surgically removed a few months before I did) have a song/dance that we do called "We got no uterus". It's quite comical to see and hear.

* I don't have kids. Used to think I wanted them, then decided I really didn't. So, getting aforementioned surgery was no big deal. Except that my doc kept asking me "Are you sure? Are you really sure?". YES, woman, take it out for crying out loud! LOL

* Instead of children, hubby and I have 2 cats. They are far more spoiled than any child I've ever met. So, my maternal instincts are not wasted.

* I have a graduate degree, and it is the one thing I am most proud of. I had always been a good student, but couldn't afford to go to college right after high school. So, I went back to school at age 30. Got my Bachelors at age 35 and my Masters at age 37.

* Sometimes I miss being in school.

* I can't believe I just typed that. LOL

* I'm very competitive and always have to be *the best* at everything. Most of the time, I am. :-D

* This is getting long and I am getting bored.

Off to find some more blogs! Caio!

Jealousy

Dear Witchy Woman,

Was I curious? Sure. Do I want what you have? No way. Being jealous and being intrigued are 2 totally different things. I've already had what you have. Without the loneliness, of course. Contrary to what you believe, I AM happily married and I'm sorry if my friendship with certain folks bothers you. Maybe if you weren't talking shit about them all over the internet they'd actually be friendly to you as well.

Loneliness does breed hate, doesn't it? You've already admitted to being jealous. Don't go blaming me for that. All the wine and scotch in the world can't make up for the fact that you sleep alone most nights. And who's fault is that? Not mine.

Thanks for dismissing me. I was too busy enjoying my own life that I didn't hear the bell ring.

New at this....

I used to be a member of a paid message board and my subscription is up soon, so I was looking for a *free* way to express myself and stumbled across this. Not sure how this works, but will give it a shot!